tomfromhr.com a blog on tech, politics, life and zombies

25Oct/121

Wine and Love: 13

5641043482 6f577b210d mTwo weeks in a row! Blogging win! Today I'm doing Wine and Love again, hosted by Suki! Here we talk about the things making us reach for the wine glass (or alcoholic beverage of choice) and the things we love this week! It's hard to keep track, I know, but do try to keep up!

Wine

  • I left my iPad on the train sometime on Monday. I've been worried sick about someone getting into my data, harassing friends or doing God knows what with it. So far I believe we're safe; it looks like whoever got it either turned it into the lost and found or has wiped it. Using the iCloud stuff I can tell it hasn't been online (at least without being wiped) at least since Monday night, which means either it's been turned off since then (which is the lost and found's standard procedure) or wiped. I've set it to wipe the next time it comes online for data integrity. All signs seem to be pointing to it being in the lost and found, but since all that stuff has to be processed I won't know for a few days.
  • Honestly that's been the big one, and some of the fallout and worries from that. Besides that, work's been busy, but I could practically leave that on here permanently!
  • I haven't been sleeping well lately. Part of it is just bad habits, part of it is the myriad things I'd rather be doing than sleeping, part of it is iPad and work things on my mind a lot. I've been trying to get to bed earlier, but it's not easy when there's so much I want to do.

Love

  • Mists of Pandaria continues to delight and entertain, which is great. I said this last week, but I cannot overemphasize how glad I am to have this awesome outlet and the wonderful people that come along with it. We ran dungeons last night and, even though they didn't go super well, I had a blast. If you've ever thought you might enjoy WoW, do give it a try, and let me know so I can bring you into my awesome group of people there.
  • My friends have been amazing. GFM especially has been a big help and is great at keeping me grounded and keeping things in perspective. Thanks, GFM.
  • I bought a ticket to VidCon! Still figuring out the flight and everything, but it'll be awesome to meet and hang out with people I've blogged around with and whatnot for so long.
  • I'm generally eating healthier and feeling better these days. I've had one person ask if I lost weight; I haven't checked in a while, so I'm not sure, but that was nice. I feel like I see a little bit in my face, but that could be imagination.
  • Therapy has been going well. I feel like I'm making real progress, which largely means breaking down a lot of the things I had thought I knew about myself. It's fascinating, and a tad bit scary, but good.
  • I've moved some money around and cleared up some financial stuff, which is a huge weight off my shoulders. I'm getting close to being ready to tackle the move. Not quite there, but close.

What are you loving this week? And what's making you whine?

22Oct/121

I’m bad with money

The title kind of says it all, but I'll go into detail.

I'm bad with money in general. I'm bad at keeping track of things and bad at controlling habits. Lack of self control is a theme in my life that I'm working on, as a lot of my problems in terms of weight and finances can all be traced back to that. I use food and retail therapy as a way of fixing my problems. I buy something that I think will encourage me to turn my life around, or cause I've had a bad day. I eat something sweet because it will just be this last time, or cause I've had a bad day.

This isn't some post to declare I've done those things for the last time. That would be silly; I'll do both of those things occasionally, and probably will right until I die (or am uploaded into a new collective consciousness when the Singularity occurs). The idea, however, is to recognize patterns and say "I'll do that later." Not never. But later. Cause all it takes sometimes is just saying "tomorrow" for one more day.

Anyway, I'm over dramatizing a bit here. 

Today I also did something to help with that. I moved some money around and paid things off. I was hesitant to, because it was money I had held as a little bit sacred. I was cursing myself for my financial mistakes, and thinking I deserved to pay it off slowly and painfully, instead of taking some of my own money, paying it off, and paying myself back.

It was stupid. Honestly, it was. I get why I did it, but it was childish. It was me saying "no, this is my fault, and I'll do it without touching that, cause they were my stupid decisions." It was ingrained in me from a young age that you should be ashamed of financial mistakes, and never touch any savings under any circumstances.

So yeah. I fucked up. But I'm done beating myself up over that, and I'm done sticking to a principle that makes no sense. I'd rather pay myself back, with interest, than someone else.

I'm tempted to say "of course, the worry is I won't," but I will. That's the adult thing to do, and I'm trying to do the adult thing these days.

You know, while playing video games.

(Ed. note; this came out more angry sounding than I had intended, but I think it works. I'm a little proud of myself for doing this and making my own decisions, hence the sharing, but the decisions that got me into this mess are something that make me angry at myself, more than anything else. But it's important to remember I made those mistakes out of the urge to better myself, and I'm learning now how to do that a better way. I'm getting help. So that maybe, this time will be different.)

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