tomfromhr.com a blog on tech, politics, life and zombies

You are going to find people online who you click with instantly, you’re going to find people you can grow friendships with over time, and you are going to find really awesome people with whom you simply have no chemistry.  Everything about this is perfectly normal and okay.  Go for the easy friendships, put the work in on the slow-growing friendships, and just smile and wave at the awesome people who aren’t for you.  This is the internet and not a small town; there is no reason to force relationships with people you have nothing in common with or who don’t want to be your friend.  It is my secret belief that it is easier to meet people on the internet when you create stuff.  When you write or make videos or tweet original thoughts, you give people a chance to get to know you.  These things can serve as the foundation for real conversations.  When you only react to other people or tweet links or reblog pictures, you don’t give people a lot to go on.

If you’re anything like me, then you are nice, but maybe not all that outwardly friendly.  Even if you find someone you think you could be good friends with, you may not know how to make that happen.  I suggest that at the very least you should make yourself open to the possibility of friendship.  There will be a few people who see your awesome from miles away and do all of the work of establishing a friendship.  Don’t resist these kind people.  But if that’s not happening, then I would suggest first establishing some kind of a connection through blog comments and replies on twitter.  Make relevant and authentic comments.  If that goes well, send an email to establish a more personal connection. If things go well enough there, then you will be good enough friends to move on to gchat and texts.  If after several good faith efforts to establish a friendship the other person does not reciprocate, then move on and find your people.  They are out there.

As an introvert, you are more likely to take delight in a few good friends rather than a whole swarm of acquaintances.  Don’t forget this and somehow think you need to be friends with everyone on the internet.  You only need a few people who get you.  And once you find them, make it your job to be a damn good friend.  Distance may be a factor, but it doesn’t prevent you from being there for your friends.  Make yourself available to talk.  Comfort them when they need it.  Send them cat pictures to cheer them up.  Do what you say you’re going to do. Know that as with any friendship, things may sometimes be difficult.  These friendships are as real as any other and you should treat them that way.

So you have made it this far and now you’re ready to make things really real and meet your internet friends.  We will assume you have taken all of the appropriate safety precautions--like, you know this person well and you are meeting in a public place.  Make sure this is a person you really do want to meet and choose a venue that works for you.  As an introvert, I’d suggest that you choose a somewhat quiet place where you won’t have to talk over the noise.  You also probably shouldn’t choose a large convention as the first place you meet bloggers (you’re more at home in small groups).  Then, expect it to be a little weird: the first time I ever met a blogger in real life, I walked up to Nico and he said, “Ashley?” and I had this very surreal moment of feeling like the internet had just come to life.  But, remember: this is the same person you have been talking to for months or years, so no matter how weird things might seem for a minute, you will soon be able to pick up where your conversation last left off.  Now: repeat.

As internet people, we make a big deal about how the relationships we form here are real, and we are telling the truth, but nothing compares to finally meeting someone in real life.  I swear you can learn more about a person by watching them talk for two minutes than you can from reading their blog for years (see: why you should vlog).  But the really great thing about meeting someone you first got to know on the internet is that they already know you.  You don’t have to explain your quirks or give them your whole back story.  I don’t even have to explain that I’m an introvert or shy.  This person already knows and likes me, so I get to feel comfortable being myself from the beginning.  As someone who doesn’t normally wear her personality on her sleeve, this is such a relief.