a blog on tech, politics, life and zombies


The Inability to Relax

I’ve found myself almost wholly unable to relax this vacation, so far. It has nothing to do with the vacation itself. Though there have been two days of somewhat stressful, unfamiliar drives, those didn’t stress me overly much, in retrospect. There’s just a kind of base level, inescapable stress right now.

I know they say you should stay away from work email over vacation, but I found myself getting nervous about what was waiting for me. I usually find it eases my mind to check work email a bit over the weekends or breaks. Nothing huge, I check it on my phone. I have it on a separate app which is under no circumstances allowed to send me any kind of notifications. My boss has my personal email if there’s something somewhat urgent, and my cell phone number in an absolute emergency. And she’s good about knowing what’s what.

So I’ve been checking and there’s been nothing urgent. Couple little things, and some people seem to not be getting my out of office email, but as far as I can tell that’s not my fault. 

So why can’t I shake this base stress level? Do I need some kind of detox, to remember that the office will likely not burn down around me? That the few projects I left unfinished are in no way urgent? I spent the first few days in one of, arguably, the most beautiful places in the world, marvelling at the beauty of the Rocky Mountains. And yes, I checked work email from my balcony, watching the sunrise over the Rockies, and felt good about it. But since then it’s all weighed on me. Am I spending too much money? Is work okay? Is there work or other such things I should be doing, instead of sitting back and zoning out with a book, or Hearthstone, or WoW? Hell, even this is a bit of a concession to the part of me that says I should be productive (blogging being more productive, I suppose).

I used to be so good at this. Now I just worry a lot. Not sure what the key is. I started working on the WoW/gaming blog I’ve been planning on setting up forever, just to feel productive. 

Anyway, practice makes perfect, right?


Hotel Coffee and the Sunrise

The nice thing about coming west is you wake up earlier. I’m used to Eastern time, where it’s about 10am as I write this. I’d be finishing my first cup of coffee now in the office and likely would’ve just finished reviewing the weekend’s emails.

Instead, I’m sitting on a hotel balcony, cheap hotel coffee (which is surprisingly okay) steaming in the cold air. I checked work emails to feel important, if I’m honest with you, and there wasn’t much. Replied to what I could to show dedication and initiative (doing it clearly on vacation) and then texted my mother to show her the view. Periscoped it too just for kicks. Someone kept asking me to say something, which was a bit odd.

From here I can see the sun rising over the mountains, warming them, that bit of steam like substance forming a haze over some areas. I’m cold as I write this but it’s worth it for the view. Absolutely.

Colorado is amazing so far though. Denver is this city full of culture, growing rapidly, with a wide cross section of people. It still feels oddly half-populated though compared to Toronto. My brother-in-law took us around to several hot spots on Saturday and it was incredibly easy to get a seat, wave down a friendly bartender. Each spot had a massive selection of beer and cocktails, many of them local. And amazing food. One of the best burgers I’ve ever had, period. 

But Vail…I kept telling Klutzy it feels like something out of DisneyWorld, which to me is one of the highest compliments I can pass on. Storybook almost, with its German-inspired ski town feel. Hundreds of neat little shops. Surprisingly delicious pizza (which I may raid for breakfast after this). We went up the mountain today, the air so thin that even a short walk winded me. But the view was worth it. Absolutely.

Even driving here was amazing. A bit hair-raising, yes, down mountain roads in an unfamiliar, older beast of a car, generously loaned by my brother-in-law. But gorgeous. Driving by these little pieces of civilization carved out of rock and stone, at the foot of these behemoths of land. Old mining towns, the structures still there, clinging to life. I wanted to stop and look at things approximately 4000 times.

I’ll close this out now because my ass is getting numb from propping my laptop up on my legs in a weird position. And the sun has nearly risen. But dear God, is this place magical.


Falling Out of Love With Travel and Patton Oswalt

Today was a bit of a tough travel day. Normally I love travel and airports. Any excuse to visit them, to see people arriving from various places in the world, families reuniting, etc. It warms my heart. Today was tough though. 

I was up late packing (entirely my own fault) and we had an early flight, which means our alarm was set for 4:45. I managed to misset it, but I woke up anyway, because nerves. Made it to the airport in good time, but feeling terrible. Something about waking up early always messes with my body, not just from a fatigue but from a stomach sort of thing. I spent most of the walk through security and customs just hating myself. You actually clear US customs in Toronto, as they have a post there. It’s weird. 

My body ached, I was lugging luggage (ha) and a little warm because I decided to dress to impress rather than dress for comfort. I love the idea of being the guy traveling in a blazer with a pocket square but to be honest I kinda wished I’d worn sweats by the time we got through security.

Everything took much longer than I expected, which meant I barely had time to scarf down a terrible breakfast (seriously, YYZ, be better) before we had to board for our flight like half an hour early (cause apparently no one else can follow Porter’s example and board like 10 minutes before).

BUT I did see Patton Oswalt there, famous comedian and actor. Saw him in security and later he was eating breakfast at the same shitty place we did. I didn’t say anything or really acknowledge him other than to quietly nudge Klutzy and then explain who he was and why it was a big deal. 

I do wonder if I’m falling out of love with travel a bit. I used to love airplanes and flying for the novelty, but I worry a bit that eventually I’m going to admit it’s unpleasant and uncomfortable.

But, then I look out my window to the right and see a brand new city, state and time zone I’ve never been in, and think okay, it’s still pretty fucking cool.

Plus I mean I saw Patton Oswalt.

Now I have to stop writing because we’re in the emergency exit row and my tray table doesn’t really come all the way over and I’m leaning slightly forward to type this and ow.

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