Watching Parks and Rec has gotten me a bit interested in the goings-on around my own home town. Is the Parks and Recreation department of my suburban town as exciting and awesome as that of Pawnee, Indiana? Is there an up and coming Leslie Knope running for City Council in my town?
The thing about this is that, I don't really feel like the place I live now is my town. I never have, really. When I was growing up I couldn't wait to get out and see the world. I saw no redeeming value in this city. I wanted to get out to the big city or, barring that, the small town I went to university in.
I've been living back in my birth town the last few years, expecting to move any day now and, well, failing at that. As the move becomes more real, as I spent this evening poring over listings sent by my realtor while the oven slowly cooked my dinner, I started to think about the fact that I'll likely leave this town again and take up a brand new one. And even that town, I suspect, won't be my final resting place, so to speak.
I've kept myself untethered, I think in part, because I was scared of putting down roots. Roots are hard to dig up and I want to be mobile. For whoever my future wife may be, I want to be able to be there for her. I want to be able to say "Let's go, hun" when she gets a new job, or a new opportunity, or when the mood takes us and we decide to move to Iceland.
I also still don't feel like I've really found that place that speaks to me. I loved Guelph and every now and then I'm tempted to say "fuck it all" and move there, despite how difficult (read: impossible) it would make my commute and how much it would limit my job opportunities.
Of course, buying a house is certainly one way of putting down roots and that scares me, too. I feel like I haven't found that place where I belong.
I've found people I belong with, though. People I want to make sure are in my life for years to come. I think that's part of it too. For so many of my friends mobility is the name of the game. I am so connected with them, in so many ways, that where we are is unimportant.
This is a little rambley, and I can't say I have a solid conclusion to share on this. I don't know why I've never really put down roots or felt like I belonged somewhere. I don't know if it's a reticence for fear of moving, or just a lack of need, or what. I kind of doubt I even will wherever I end up next, be that still in my home town (though houses here are still smaller and expensive) or somewhere else.
But, those are some thoughts for you on a Sunday night. If you have those roots, that connection to a city, a street corner, an arena, a bar, a house…I'm a little jealous of you, cause I don't have that.
Maybe that's my choice, though.
Each week I'll post the things that are in my ears and in front of my eyes. This can include articles, websites, blogs, YouTube Channels, TV shows, podcasts, books, games, programs, utilities or anything I can think of! Where possible I'll try to put links to check things out. The idea here to share, critically look at what I'm doing, and to motivate myself a bit to not just play WoW all the time.
Watching: Don't Trust the B**** in Apartment 23 and The Mindy Project - I'm throwing both of these here because I suspect both will be added to my regular viewing schedule. I've felt a bit of a TV drought this season; besides old standbys like Parks and Rec, Castle, HIMYM and New Girl, I hadn't had much to watch. On GFM's recommendation I checked out Apartment 23 and rather enjoyed it. Both leads are charming, and James Van Der Beek playing a caricature of himself is perfect and awesome. The Mindy Project was...okay. I love Mindy Kaling, both as a comedienne and on a crush level, and truthfully her alone makes it watchable. The rest of it is...I don't know. I expected better. It doesn't have the subtle humour the Office has (or had, anyway). It feels a bit more...madcap. Like any number of single-camera comedies that get trotted out and shot down each year. It's just a very standard comedy show. Mind you, it's got Mindy Kaling in it, which knocks it up a bit and makes it worth watching. But I don't love it.
Reading: I was at a bit of a loss book wise on what to do next, so I went back to a series a friend had recommended to me, the Thursday Next series, written by Jasper Fforde, specifically The Well of Lost Plots. The series centers around Thursday Next, who lives in a kind of parallel, slightly more advanced universe to ours and discovers that she has the ability to enter books and that there is an entire sub-universe where fictional characters interact and are as real as you or I, and a whole governing body and police force to ensure no one changes the plots of books. It's a little complex, but fun. If you get past that the whole book is essentially a slightly standard police murder mystery, but the backdrop is fun. I feel like I'm missing out a bit on some references because I'm not that familiar with Jane Austen, Charles Dickens and other classic works, though, which is making me want to try and read some of these. So that's good, I'd say!
Re-consuming: Often I'll end up having a show or book kind of on the sidelines, for when I want something easy and fun, or something in the background. For me lately that's been Futurama. Thanks to the series being on Netflix I've been rewatching it from episode one. It's funny how much the voices and some of the in-universe bits change over time, but it's still a great series. I found myself laughing hard at jokes I've heard many times before, just because. I've been loving it, and it's definitely worth a rewatch if you haven't lately. And if you've never actually watched it...you're in for a real treat, I believe.
What are you absorbing this week?
Today I'm doing Wine and Love again, hosted by Suki! Here we talk about the things making us reach for the wine glass (or alcoholic beverage of choice) and the things we love this week! It's hard to keep track, I know, but do try to keep up!
- No word on the iPad, so I think it is likely gone. It's still possible it may turn up in the lost and found, but at this point I have my doubts. On the plus side it does appear someone just wiped it straight away, which in the grand scheme of things is the best I could hope for, in terms of data integrity. I don't quite understand the mentality that could take something like that, even carelessly left behind, and not feel a pang of pity. I almost wish I could talk to the guy/girl who picked it up and made the conscious decision not to turn it in. Maybe they sold it to feed their starving family, I'm not sure. So that sucks but, really, if I'm gonna have something bad happen, losing a non-essential item is hardly the worst. I am realizing how much I use it, though, and I did order a new one (though a cheaper model than before).
- Work stress continues unabated. It's partly just the time of year, partly that they keep expanding my job duties, partly that we have some major projects, but overall it means I'm often leaving work exhausted and unhappy. I've been leaning into WoW a bit heavily lately but, truthfully, I'm glad the outlet is there.
- I love my parents, but I get some judgment from them on leaning into WoW, at staying locked up in my room, at my more introverted nature. When I try to open up to them lately I've gotten interrupted with "solutions" and, truthfully, I feel like it may be time for us to part ways. More on this in the section below.
- Tying in with what I said before, I am having such a blast in WoW these days it's not even funny. I'm learning to tank on my monk (who's level 86), I'm taking my time going through the Mists questing and it's just been so much fun kind of losing myself a bit and forgetting my cares. And smashing mobs with kegs of beer, obvs.
- After I finish this post I'm emailing my realtor. Period. No more excuses. No more "I'll wait until"s. It's time to start. I keep putting it off but, I also have to realize that it's not like tomorrow I'm gonna find my place and move. This will be a long process of finding the right place, for the right price, and it's time to get started. My finances aren't 100% totally perfect, but will they ever be? I'm tired of waiting. Course, I'm emailing my realtor to say "can you refer me to someone else?" because I'm pretty sure he doesn't work in the area I now want, but hey, still! Progress. A start. My goal would be to host a birthday party in my new house, but I'd rather find the right place than the quick and easy place.
- Therapy has been going well. There haven't been too many huge and amazing break-throughs, but I'm making quiet, small changes that seem to be helping. I'm catching myself before I'm spiraling into bad thoughts. I'm stopping myself before I read too much into things. One of the big things has been reminding myself that, often times, when someone criticizes me or speaks harshly to me, it's more reflective of them than me. I'm trying to stop myself from taking such things personally, and instead just shrugging and saying "ah well, buddy is taking out his/her bad day/insecurity on me. Next."
- As much as I may have some issues with my parents, they have been pretty good about letting me be and recognizing I'm stressed and need some time. My mom has been really good about helping me out, which I'm grateful for, and my Dad's been pretty good too, they just don't quite get it. They grew up in big families; privacy and introversion are entirely foreign concepts to them, as are the ideas of just wanting to talk things out and not really solving problems.
- My friends continue to be awesome people, and I love them all for it. Positive, supportive and awesome. The only problem is that so few of them live nearby. MOVE TO CANADA YOU PEOPLE.
What are you loving this week? And what's making you whine?